Because Sports Writes Its Own Comedy.

You still kind of dress like it’s 1994. That means wearing a t-shirt tucked into your Lee jeans, with fresh white New Balance sneakers on, and a cell phone holster on your hip (would have been a beeper in 94). You also have a moustache, and yell SHOOOOOTTT!!! regardless of whether or not the Rangers have the puck. If this isn’t a description of you, go take a good look at your dad.

Your favorite part about a Coyotes game is sitting in 3 hours of free air conditioning with your Steve Nash jersey on.

You wear sunglasses inside, and cheer things that are currently trendy. It could be a white supremacy rally or a hockey game, it doesn’t really matter. If it’s going to make you look like the shit, you’ll cheer it. Or you’ll TRY to cheer it, since all that botox has made your face devoid of emotion.

You paint your face red, and listen to Bruce Springsteen to get yourself pumped up before a game. You think Martin Brodeur should win the Vezina regardless of how his year goes. Also, you get mad when people stereotype New Jersey-ans, but your response usually validates all of the stereotyping.

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